Lately, I don't know why..
I often strike by this -weird & negative feeling-!! My eyes begin to open and my ears begin to shut.. I dont feel I receive enough love.. I feel like the world is really unfair to me at the moment.. Even my mum wouldn't understand how I feel.. I really love her but I couldn't express it in a proper way.. Now, I tend to have this grown-up feeling.. A feel of becoming more mature in every aspect of life!! I really like this feeling although it's quite hurtful.. I like to cry out my feelings.. Become quiet and silent for a moment.. Study and concentrate on my future!! In fact, I should be focusing fully on my studies and nothing else as promised 4 years ago!!! I really need lotz of inspiration and courage to go on.. But where can I get it? Before, I used to have a dream girl in my heart to sweep me through the semester.. But now, I realised that I have to sweep it myself for my own future.. Im really dissapointed with my current being~ Single, Stupid, Poor~ But then, I know that I'll be even nothing if I dont work hard from now on.. I really couldn't stand not blogging about myself~ Because, Im going to stop blogging from now on~
I feel that I really need to focus on my studies and my final year project since its my last year~ I have no time left.. My time are limited and after this, I really had no idea where and what will I be.. I love to dream, but I also want it to come true..Who doesnt? I dream to be a successful person~ Someone that everybody recognize and respect!! I know, it's pretty lame to blog about this kind of stuff... Its just me..
I want to:
1. Be healthy and happy.
2. Be bright and successful.
3. Be a good husband and father.
4. Have a simple but unique life that not many can promise.
And to achieve it, I guess I need to ~ Focus now!!
Lately, I heard a lot of *ahem* good/bad feedback about 'My feelings'.. Yes, I really do feel love at the moment regardless of who that person is.. But then, I don't feel that I deserve to be loved now.. I'm a nobody and because of this, I cannot give somebody my love.. I am not capable yet and so.. I'll not react unless love is blind.. Then, it would be a different story..
I dont really like to hurt people, but I do love people to hurt me when necessary.. To be honest, I like people who are straight.. Meanwhile, I can get jealous of others too.. Who doesnt? But still, I will not let my jealousy to harm anyone of them.. I really love my friends and family!!! I could never harm anyone of them~ The only person left that I could harm is myself.. I will then look into the mirror and see myself so useless and lifeless...
As mentioned in my previous blog, Im quite 'Happy' to get to know alot of new friends.. In fact, I always wanted to get to know more people whom can be trusted.. However, I can feel that my heart is getting emotional very easily!! But still, I guess I still can control it because its a benign's effect..
This may be the last post for this month June 08.. I dont know when will I post again.. I found out that it takes a lot of commitment to maintain a blog.. Afterall, I found out that my blog is so NOT popular.. So, what's the point of blogging when only a few would read it..
Thankq to , , for being my frequent visitor..
Oh, sh*t.. Im tearing now.. Hahaha.. *Smiling *
2 comments:
Huh.. I didn't knw that I have such a long comment from you..
Alright.. Let me explain ..
"dont feel I receive enough love"
-- I refer this to my parent only~!! Not anyone.. I compare myself now and before.. I knw, its kind of hurtful if my mum & dad found out about me blogging about this.. But even so, they're already talking something about it.. No body understand the ethics inside my family.. Its' difficult to explain unless you joined in!! Perhaps, Rawi may understand a little bit of it...
"Even my mum wouldn't understand how I feel..I really love her but I couldn't express it in a proper way.." I really love my mother because she's the one that cared for me when I was sick & fed me with Bird's nest once in two days when I was little!! The problem here is that, Im not capable yet to show my real love to my mother so much as I want to proof to her!!! She always want me to get good grades for my academic!! But, I just couldn't always.. I feel useless.. Not only that, I always tend to speak *wrongly* that may hurt her but my intention was meant to be good~ No one understand me.. Even Rawi has disputed with me in the past for the same matter~!! Dont want to talk about it..
"Im really dissapointed with my current being~ Single, Stupid, Poor" Biologically ~'To be single' mean Zero Fitness!! Haha.. Jk.. Honestly, I like to be attached because I always feel lonely as most of my brothers are not there for me like what it used to be.. I really miss all my brothers, whom I could tell my secret, worry,etc (Rawi is one of the few that I trusted!! I owed him alot!!! So does he.. But soon, we are going to part, perhaps after Uni?? & of course, we are not GAYS and we will never marry each other and start a family.. *Dont want to think about that!!*)
"Yes, I really do feel love at the moment regardless of who that person is.. But then, I don't feel that I deserve to be loved" ~ Alright, this is too personal to talk about.. Im not going to talk much.. But then, my point is that~ I can't even promised myself that I can give full protection or security to the ones I love... How can I deserve to be loved.. Its not fair for the ones I like.. Like the chinese saying, 'Dont have a Big Head so Dont wear a Big Hat!' Know yourself before you do something..
"*Found out that my blog is so NOT popular" ~ Hahaha, maybe it is right now.. I didn't refresh my weblogs so it always appear 39+ to me.. But then, I found out I had 500 visitors a moment ago.. WOW!!!
Post a Comment